Kelly's Quotidian

Dogs don’t appreciate daylight savings.
For 2 days in a row now, chubbapotomous has almost riotously interrupted my typing away at the computer. When I follow her urgent grunts into the living room she literally stampedes over to her bowl and points at it with her nose. Ears perked up she looks from the bowl to me in quick succession. I can almost see her thinking “Get my dinner you slow bitch!”. When I don’t move to remedy the situation tout suit, she snorts in disgust and points the nose from bowl to me again. To them it’s 6 o’clock and it’s dinner time, not 5. They don’t get the “Fall Back” collective arrangement we’ve got going on. Daylight savings is a fascinating cultural event. We all, except the crusty Arizona peeps, agree to change time. That’s amazing. Now we accept this with a few grumbles (especially in the Spring), but I can’t imagine what it was like when this practice was first instituted! To me it flushes to the surface how we really do create reality. So much of our reality is tied to time…Money as a belief system is the other phenomena that blows me away. The nice concreteness of barter systems is more my speed. But that’s another post’s business. Back to my pwups baleful eyes of hunger…I guess all I can really do is promise that in the Spring, the karma wheel will turn and bring the kibble sooner:-)

Summer of travel. The first time I ever left the country I felt like I discovered aspects of myself that only a trip to Russia in the dead of winter could reveal. I assumed I was an uptight person before this trip. Further travels unveiled that, in fact, there are many sides to Kelly to be found, in many different places. It’s probably not that strange that breaking from the automatic rhythms of my days provides a distanced perspective on the busyness that occupies my life. Travel seems to provide me with the seemingly paradoxical opportunity to both let go and become more intentional. I seem to drop more deeply into the moments that I’m in. I also think there’s something to be said for not having a script of practiced expectations guiding me through every event. I feel strangely excited and relaxed when I travel. It is my goal now to try to bring some of these elements to my daily living. One of the ways I’ve achieved some simblance of this is through art. I’m not talking high art, but creative endeavors of some sort. There’s something very focussng and calming about art to me-enjoying seeing it as well as doing it. I was chatting with a woman who owns an art studio the other day. We talking about how the process of art, and life for that matter, isn’t appreciated in this country. It’s all about the outcome, product. I’ve had multiple times when I share that I’m doing art-whether it’s photography or otherwise-and had some response along the lines of “I wish I had time for art”. It’s a horribly corrosive, judgemental, and dismissive type of thing to say wrapped up in a seeminly small statement. It implies a frivolty and lack of serious doing; as if being calm and finding small joy in the day is a less than meaningful endeavor.  It bugs me, but I labor inwardly to leave it alone. It’s valid to me. It’s my little way of traveling while staying home.

I didn’t really make fire. I was speaking metaphorically:-) I recently acquired a laptop from my wheeling and dealing 11 year old niece. Little shit actually negotiated price with me! One of the reasons I wanted a new laptop is because my antiquated POS PC took, and I’m not kidding, 4 minutes to load web pages. Loading apps and any other activity was like watching water boil on a cold day:-( I loaded spybot on it and found that it was full of all kinds of crap, which I promptly destroyed…all to no avail. Still slow as crap-old lady driving on a one lane road your late for work slow. And so I decided to procure my niece’s utterly neglected iBookG4 (a hand-me-down from her father).

My anticipated joy at fast surfing and multiple app hopping was barely contained as I entered my domicile. I immediately tried to connect to my wireless router-a hit and miss affair for many a laptop who have come to Kelly land. I knew this.  And of course I was teased bt the fact that my new little friend could “see” my wireless network, but I kept getting the message “connection failed”. I imagined a little password in a long-jump competition wearing its little sneakers, running and jumping its little heart out; only to hit the bar and fall in disappointment. I loaded up the old tank to see if I could wireless through it…yes. Fuck. So then I figured that my router was a discriminating bastard who didn’t like Macs. I was right. I left the problem alone. For a day.

Next day, not to be deterred…I decided to force my asshole router to play nice-I manually reconfigured it using the start-up disc. No success. Then I tried to do so with my Mac mini. [Yes, I even have a REALLY old computer with linux loaded on it-why I have all this computing power, I'm not sure. Perhaps I'll find some nefarious deed in which to engage my little network...someday...but not with out a fucking router.]

Mac mini denied. The f#%^* set up disc only works on PC’s. At this point I figured my router wasn’t compatible with Macs, I was almost deterred. Almost. I went to bed. Hours wasted, the meaning of life in question.

The day of revelations began when I thought to google *****routers and macs. A bagillion links came up. Others had been in my hell. And they took notes:-) This is when I first learned that I could remotely hack into my bitchy little router from a web page. Holy crap. So I typed in the recommended IP address and found myself in a webpage, configuring my wireless router from my MacMini. The grin on my face burned calories. It worked, I was able to log in wirelessly from the mini-weeeeeee! Then the moment of truth came…I busted out the wee one. Found the router, entered the login…”connection failed”. Son of a bitch. I almost cried, but instead I went to bed.

Day 3. I’m alone and feel like I’ll never be saved:-) I go to my trusty friend google. I enter the taunting error message and I come to see the words hexadecimal passwords…I come to find that my new little laptop is a fickle bitch who needs $ before her passwords. Holy crap. Remote configurations happen ONE more time. The moment of truth arrives…

And a gmail login page loads.

One of the proudest moments of my life.

I MADE FIRE!!!!!

The sun is high and bright today. I showed some wisdom in not running at noon:-) Instead I decided to do something I’m less comfortable with doing-swimming. It’s not that I’m a bad swimmer. I am just not used to it. I must admit to feeling self-conscious in many respects when I swim with my form and technique:-) The pool that I go to is gorgeous: outdoors with huge palm trees bookending the lanes on both sides. It is also full of gorgeous, looking people. As I have mentioned, I’ve recently made strides at meditating. One of my growing edges with this endeavor is to try different types of moving meditation. In this I try to focus only on the sensations of the moment, my breathing, the feel of the water, the filtered heat of the sun. One of the things I love about swimming is the sensuousness of water, both tactilely and visually. It’s lovely to feel swirls. My favorite part of every swim is the initial glide through the water and the immersion of blueness. While in the moment today I noticed a halo of light that rode ahead of my swimming shadow. There was this haloed, shadowy bow that advanced itself ahead of my form. It was so neat to have a visual of myself as a transparent shadow lined in light. The spray from my advancing hand was also showing up as perfect, round, shimmering shadows dropped into the blue. The sight of this memorized me for quite some time. I forgot to do my special “breathing” and nausea ensued:-( Once I finished my laps I got out and laid face-down the mesh lawn chairs. While looking face down into the mesh I again was confronted with my shadow. This time it showed my unruly, wet hair and the slight outline of my never perfect form. I thought about the discontent that can come from gazing at my shadow. I closed my eyes and thought about the other sensations of the moment-the slight chill of the wind, the immanent beat down from the sun, and the receding heaviness of being water logged. When I got home I was startled to see how much sun I’d gotten despite my best efforts at sun block. I was also surprised by the notion that images in the mirror are in many ways color filled shadows. I had a stark thought about how the image wasn’t all of who I am. It merely reflects some aspects of my outward appearance, but it so easy to confuse the image for the whole person. I don’t think I want to think too much about it (a challenge in itself). I just like the idea of grounding myself in the feel of moments rather than dominantly anchoring myself by sight.

I have officially begun operation “Uncomplicate Kelly”:-) Several new activities have been initiated in this endeavor, one of which has been meditation. I was a little distressed when I mentioned my desires to meditate to others I seemed to get a universal chuckle. I wasn’t sure if it was from folks’ own difficulties with this seemingly easy task or if it was them laughing at the idea of me trying to meditate. I’m sure it was a mixture of the two. I was very encouraged to find that when I’m in a calmer state, I can quite easily flow into it. I use guided meditations from Meditation Oasis‘ blog. I download the podcasts and either run them straight from the site or put them on my ipod. The challenge for me so far has been meditating when I’m not feeling so good (mood or otherwise). And of course these are the very times when it would provide the most benefit. But I had a surprise the other day. I did the “Letting Go” meditation in the morning. Let’s just say that the rest of the day had plenty of “peak” emotional moments. Periodically, without prompting or purpose, I remembered the feeling of letting go from my morning meditation, and I felt better. Don’t get me wrong, I was pooped at the end of the day, but it was an emotionally clean pooped. Just before falling asleep that night I had an appreciative thought that I had covered some ground on my life journey to uncomplicating Kelly today.

It’s a bit corny, I know, but I love Max Ehrman’s Desiderata. I re-discovered it last Winter. I had just gotten back from a snowless Moscow and was “iced” in at Houston. Beeb and I had braved the cold to go to fabulous pizza place.  While servicing  my tiny tank  in the bathroom, I looked up and  found  the poem posted on the back of the bathroom stall door. Not a very esteemed place for such wonderful poem, but I don’t think Ehrman would have minded. I’m gonna dork it out and post it below:-)

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

(c) Max Ehrman 1926

They decidedly do not make your life easier.

This is a fiction perpetrated by those who enjoy the countless hours that slip between their fingers and the keys.

But, like the crack whore that I am, I always come back for more. I’m just not fooling myself anymore:-)

It has been a freakishly long time, I know.
A lot has transpired since you last heard from me.
I will not bore you with the details, but will instead let them organically arise in my tales of the present which shall fallow.
I must warn that I am trying on new “skins” to see what my “new” look shall be. Feel free to comment.
In the meantime, know that I will be adding my usual updates from the furry village and from life as I know it.
I missed you too:-)

It’s been a while, I know. Life has been coming at me in a way that feels like putting one’s mouth on a fully opened fire hose. I started a new job, new man, and possibly, a little bit of a new Kelly.
All of these being wonderful things, but exhausting as well. The mental unpacking is scheduled for sometime as late as August. I’m still on the trip. Maybe I’ll send some post cards.
Annie and Dirk came up to Austin last night-I did the face down at EZ’s. Then we had good beer and told stories about double bouncing cats under a breezy summer night at the Draught House. We then made it over to mi casa to see wedding photos-brought back memories of a serenely sweet day. Then we were off to the Continential Club where we caught a foot-stomp’n-bad-ass-bass-on-fire manolin-play’n show with the Meat Purveyers.
A phone call to the adored, then the head to pillow with a smile on the face.
All to easy to not truly soak up and love wonderful people-I’m working on breaking that bad habbit.

One of my best friends, since the second grade-25 years to be exact, came to visit me with her beaux. They actually came for SXSW Film Festival. James’ animated short, Pilgrims Progress was screening at the festival. I was excited about getting to see Dawn and James. On their first night in town I took them to the Congress Bridge over Town Lake to see the bats. It was a really neat experience-a spectacularly setting sun competed with the bajillion bats taking flight from under the bridge where we were standing-you could just barely hear the fluttering of thousands of wings and a faint but definite sense of their en mass movement. Of course we took lots of pics;-). The next night we went to James’ screeningf at SXSW. It was an unexpectedly moving experience. I didn’t realize how much my art appetite had been stifled by my busy academic life. I found myself soaking up the color and meaning and wanting more. I was incredibly impressed by James’ piece. It is a real talent to say something with great depth and meaning in a SHORT, simple, creative, and direct manner-I think nature holds this spot for 5-8 year olds, but Pilgrims Progress accomplishes this difficult task beautifully in 3 minutes and 38 seconds. I wish I could get it to load up, so that I could share it with you, but alas no go:-( He was sweet enough to send it to me on CD-so you’ll just have to come by and see it some time.

Apparently a good way to get to know your own city is to introduce it to others.

Pics of Dawn, James, and me-not necessarily in that order:-)