Kelly's Quotidian

doesn’t mean you should;-) I spherically have a hard time with this:-)
I’ve run into the whole “googling” of people on more than one occasion and in more than one fashion. From searching to find out about new peeps to checking out what the “old” ones are doing as well…it’s a risky business. There’s this false intimacy that arises when you “discover” information about someone on the web-but it isn’t earned. True intimacy comes from the risk of self-disclosure. It requires some level of trust…I guess the interesting question given this then, is why the hell am I blogging:-)?! Am I inviting others into a superficially shared space? Maybe. Personally, I’d rather hear a story from a person than read it in FB or on their blog. But I will say that there are a lot of people I care for and can’t really give or get that kind of face time from. So I guess this is a medium of least resort-some small way to stay connected…I won’t even get into the motivational arrogance that probably drives posting-that’s a crappy perspective. I think I like the idea of just simply sharing…with anyone that’s interested enough to read:-)

I just finished my first outdoor run post foot surgery. It was a success. I forgot about the redunculous heat though. Before the surgery I had been running 2 to 3 a week on the treadmill indoors for a few months. I was trying to take it easy on my feet. I just didn’ t realize I was taking it easy on the rest of my body. I’m happy to say I’m fairly heat tolerant, but that shit is menacing. I’m very thankfull for my tiny success today and wanted to give my shout-out of appreication in writing:-) I think it’s hard to truly appreciate any gift in life untill you’ve suffered its loss. Yeah for now!

So I had a cute conversation with my brother yesterday. I was telling him about my deliberations as to whether or not I consider myself a photographer. He chuckled and said that only I would sit around pondering such. I then corrected his assertion by explaining that I had told folks about my photography group having a *show* and that I had a couple of pictures in it. I could see that this conceptually became me “having my work on display at a gallery” and that I was being thought of as a photographer. I don’t really consider myself a photographer. I’m more of someone who takes pictures and occasionally gets lucky. But this all started me thinking about at what point would I consider myself any given “thing”. The act of doing a thing is so often the major requirement for classification. But I think that’s a bit too easy. Just cause someone does it, doesn’t mean classification is appropriate. We are so geared to judge/classify based on actions. Back to the photography, I enjoy the process very much. I always feel like there’s more to learn. The results never seem just right, which keeps me coming back for more:-) I’m not so process-bound as to not enjoy the pictures just in and of themselves though. I am constantly amazed by the talent and dedication of others. One of the pics I had in the show is below.

Picture of sunset at 2009 solstice

I went to a 50th birthday party last night.
This may not seem to be of note; which can be said of so much of life.
It was a party to celebrate the precious gift of life where moments and days are to be appreciated, not years. Our host has cancer and the ensuing hyper-focus on living before an anticipated end. There’s a terrible beauty in that. I go day after day, often in tedium, in the ambiguity of a distant and abstract end. I feel inspired by her pursuit of joy and merriment. I’d like to practice soaking in the moments of life more-even the dull and monotonous. Perhaps they wouldn’t be so if I walked into them realizing that they are of but a precious few. It seems daunting-trying to imbue meaning into the normalcy of my days. Maybe it’s about the striving to do so that’s important. I suspect this probably goes into a longstanding theme for me-the effort to be “present” in the moments that fill up my life. Seems silly easy when I write it down. But I’m also realizing I live my life on two levels-one that intellectually gets things and another that emotionally processes things. I hope they meet someday:-)

I’m back.

Seems my blog clock is about a year long.

Trials and tribulations have passed. Joys too.

I promise to try harder this time:-)

I officially love Canada. Vancouver is a wonderful city. Sitting in an outdoor cafe you can hear a string of languages from Arabic, Cantonese to German! Stanley Park is absolutely gorgeous. Rather than the boredom which can ensue for locals concerning tourist traps, they seem to adore and cherish it like a treasure. When I rented my bike to tour the peninsula that is Vancouver proper, I was asked on multiple occasions if I needed assistance. Canadians are sweet people-even the maintenance men. On the day of my bike excursion, I decided to use the hot tub in the Hotel Listel where two friends of mine got married (the reason for the trip). It was located in a room that I had to take stairs down into-a bit removed, isolated. When I got down to the room it was clear I had interrupted the maintenance dude’s work out (there was a small gym set-up as well). Feeling a little self-conscious about the bikini I was wearing I waited for him to disappear, which he did for a bit. But then he came back and started a conversation with me that trailed from the recession in the States to oil, Reaganomics, de-regulating the media, pot being “tolerated” if discreet in Canada, to the local topless beach. He made sure to mention that he’d be at the topless beach that night as it was a full moon and sure to be full of revelers:-) He also let me know that there was no pressure to go topless. I didn’t realize that I might have been hit on until I told my friend about the conversation later that day:-) Too funny.

After the wedding and its attending functions (reception, brunch) we head off for Bamf National Park . We drove to Kamloops, stayed a night, and then pushed on to Lake Louise. Lake Louise is absolutely beautiful. I could just stare at it for hours. There’s such a peace in that place, even with the bajillion people walking around. While sitting on the benches we fulfilled a quota of 2 offers to take pictures for foreigners per person. From Lake Louise we set out for the Columbia Ice Fields. The Icefields Parkway is the most spectacular places I’ve ever been in my life. I couldn’t help but have my eyeballs stuck to the window with “wow” coming out of my mouth every 2 minutes!

I’ve traveled with others several times now and must say that the group dynamic of this trip was outstanding. We drove over 1200 miles in 5 days and there was nary a tantrum to be found. I must say that I truly appreciated how safe I felt with our drivers (Fred and Kate) and Ally was a wonderful travel companion. The feeling of the group was very loving and patient-2 ingredients to any good travel experience:-) I learned how to loose at a card game called Golf!

I owe a world of thanks to my Canada Peeps and must give an official congratulations to Isabel and Ruth!

I love my neighborhood. I feel blessed with our neighborhood’s kharma curbs! My neighbors give away the coolest stuff! When I’m out and about, every so often there’s a little jewel waiting to be whisked away. Today I got a 7 foot tall fig-leafed philodendron. It made my day. I must also say on that I love how my neighborhood peeps always say hi to me AND my furry people. The girls are quite popular after a few months of sporting Mohawks-my little bit to Keep Austin Weird. One of my neighbors calls me “Sparky”. Not sure why, but I gladly accept the nickname. It is all too easy to underestimate what comfort can come from feeling like your surrounded by nice people:-)

After the holidays I was blessed to have received many wonderful things that I didn’t really want, but was greatful for the thoughts. Upon getting home I started a massive return campaign. Buying stuff is stressful for me. I’d like to modify the phrase embarrassment of riches to the stress of riches. I am prone to analysis, it is my gift and my bane. I also warm to notions of practicality. These things coalesce into a maelstrom of consumer hell for me, quickly. I found myself checking the internet for the best possible price on all kinds of silly things. Paralysis soon set in. How could I really know if I was getting the best deal?! My eye actually started twitching , and it’s not because I’m about to start my last semester of classes for my Ph.D. It’s directly related to buying “stuff” mixed in with computer angst (see prior post).

I’m on a strict diet of simple now and am taking steady doses of 130 pounds of combined furry antidote.

I was bestowed a most wonderful gift of music recently-there was a song that brought to mind and heart some old images and a wealth of feeling. I’m gonna share the poetry, yes poetry, that one of the songs inspired:
I am standing on a cliff-top. The bluest of blue waters greet me. The wind, ever in mischief, tries with all its might to take the clothes from my skin. Despite the breeze’s best efforts, I am not bare before the sea. But I am deeply naked in this moment. Happiness is a swell within me me as much as the motion in the expanse before me. I am with the world, completely, for a time.